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Don’t Like Your Friends? May Not Like Yourself.

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Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, July 25, 2011

As a child, my father was always very inquisitive as to who my friends were as individuals.  He wanted to know everything about them and meet them before I could hang out with them.  He would inquire as to where they were from, who their parents were, and ask what them seemed like a million questions.  In my teen years, he asked less questions but the questions were more specific and he still had to meet them.  Partially because he loved me and wanted to be a part of my life and the other is because he understood what kind of influence our friends can have over us especially in early stages of developing our character and morals.  At the time it was a nuisance and now I see it as a blessing.

I have always considered myself blessed with an abundance of friends.  Up until the age of twenty-two I always had a plethora of great friends and attempted to spend as much time with all of them to make sure I developed each friendship.  To be honest it was exhausting, I had very little time for myself and had more what I would call “good” friends than great “friends”.  When you spread yourself too thin in any area you, you don’t ever really master anything and this includes relationships.  At 22 years old came chiropractic college and along with that came a ton more to do, which meant less and less time for activities outside of school causing me to condense the number of friends I had in my inner circle to an even smaller number.

In chiropractic school, I can remember telling my dad I was a bit overwhelmed one week because I had so many friends pulling me in so many directions. That day on the phone my dad taught a lesson that I have used as a basis for my current day friendships.  He said, “You can only have as many great friends that you can count on your one hand.” At first I was taken back and definitely wondering what I would do with the rest of my friends.  After much thought I began to re-organize my friends in a way that better served us all, not necessarily eliminating friendships but re-prioritizing them.  This lesson taught me that it is more important to be friendly to all and true friends with few.

Friends have a HUGE impact on who we are and who we become. Simply put, the people we spend our time with are the people we are most like.  I always challenge people to look at their five closest friends and to ask themselves if they like what they see? Because chances are it is like looking in a mirror! It’s crucial that we keep a pulse on our circle of influence so that we keep a pulse on the evolution of our character and morals.

Each year I go through all my relationships with my friends and give them a wellness check up.  I start by making a list of all my friends.  I look at the overall friendship account I have with them.  I make sure that we are both keeping the intricate balance between both deposits and withdraws so we keep the account in balance. I also look at their evolution as an individual and make sure it is still congruent with my belief and value system. Any friendships where I need to step it up, I make a conscious effort to contribute more.  On the contrary, any relationships that I feel have been overdrawn are assessed.  I then have a courageous (courageous because sometimes they are not easy to have) conversation with that individual.  This exercise holds me accountable to my friends and helps me maintain true to myself.

It is important to have friends. Friends are a blessing from God and the family we choose for ourselves.  As long as we keep a balance in our friendships so they don’t begin to alter who we are or alter our purpose. It has been said that we an individual is most like their five closest friends.  I can honestly say that I have some of the best friends in the world.  And that they contribute not only to who I am but to my purpose.  They make me a better person and elevate my happiness.  I am so thankful for each and every one of them.  While we have boundaries, we have no limits as to what we would do for each other! To ensure success, just as in anything else, friendships need Tender Loving Care! Like I tell my BFFs, that F is forever!

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler, Innate Girl

Why Settle For Good? When There’s GREAT.

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Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Monday, April 25, 2011

Why Settle For Good? When There’s GREAT.

The book, Good to Great by Collins, is one of my favorite books.  Not only is it an easy and enjoyable read, but also its message is simple yet powerful.  The book teaches us that good is the enemy of great and with even the simplest of changes we are able to go from good to great.  While, Good to Great is a business book; the book is applicable to life.  If you lead a life of purpose and a passion most likely your business is a HUGE part of who you are as an individual, intertwining life and business.

Like most people I want a great life in all aspects, well rounded so that all areas are equally balanced.  I’ve always been an achiever in all the aspects of life, wanting the best for my life, wanting a great life.  Dating back to grade school I always wanted to get the most of my education, social life, family relationships, and spiritual walk.  The same holds true today wanting a great life across the board and with aging I have added wanting a great life in the aspect of business and wellness.

There are times we look at others lives and say they have “a great life” but greatness is a personal experience relative to the individual.  The beauty of other’s opinions is just that that they are other people’s opinions.  I always appreciate when someone compliments my life but compliments don’t have to dictate that you have reached the top level for you, your successes and your level of greatness.   So many times we take a compliment as “stop” sign, telling us we have reached the level of greatness for any aspect of our life.  While we have only reached a level of greatness in another’s eyes, individually we must decide what a great life means to us.

Personally, I know that I have a good life and each day strive toward a great life. In my opinion a great life is not place you reach and become idle but rather something you constantly strive for because eventually great becomes a new version of good.  In order to never settle you must set the standard a bit higher.  Interestingly we transition from good to great and then great becomes a new level of good and we have to make the necessary shifts and set our standards to obtain a higher level of great.

Establish your version of great. Be specific and detailed, clearly defining what great looks like and feels like.  Set your goals and establish a path that will lead you to great. We all have the ability to have a great life; we just need to set our intentions and focus.  Greatness is available, wanting it is half the battle and creating the path is the other half.  Enjoy your journey from good to great and don’t let good old you back.  Here’s to us having a great life.

Love. Laugh. Adjust.
Dr. Martha Nesseler, Innate Girl

Be Strong Little Root…Growth is the Solution

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Dr. Martha’s Mondya Morning Motivational

Monday, November 1, 2010

Growth is a double edged sword a must do if we plan on living our life to its fullest potential.  While the pro’s of growth are that it is gratifying and imperative there are the con’s that at times growth is painful and overbearing. So we must assess our individual life’s journey and decide if continued growth is what we desire.  The important thing we must realize is that when we are not growing we are dying so choosing to grow really is the best bet.

Growth often happens in bouts where we grow and then plateau  and then grow again continuing the cycle.  Knowing this we need to chart our growth and realize when it is that we begin to plateau in order to perpetuate new growth.When we plateau we are at a place that is predictable and easy. At a plateau is when we think we are in control and  we “think” we have it all figured out.  And most likely we do have it all figured out up to that point but in order to grow we must come to the realization that there is so much more uncharted territory left to be discovered.  In order to continue our growth and evolution we must place a root in the plateau and anchor ourselves in order to grow and continue our journey. Rooting yourself allows you to be centered and supported because it is right before our next part of growth when we fall apart.

It’s human nature to fear our next chapter of growth. Often our lives become challenging and it is likely that we begin to feel like failures. We tend to see life as if it is it’s all going wrong. Many times we begin to  self-doubt.  Rather than fearing growth or being scared its best we begin to realize it is part of our developmental path. It’s imperative that we realize that growth is the only solution and that we begin to realize the origin of the doubt. In life’s journey we need to accept and begin to understand that growth is the solution and fear is the problem.  Often times we flip the two and see growth as the problem and fear as the only solution.

Disorganization perpetuates fear, we feel shaky as things begin to become unorganized and become scattered.   There are two forces that can cause disorganization, internal or external and many times we experience both simultaneously.   Often the internal and external forces  occur at an equilibrium .  But this disorganization is the recipe we need for growth, its the well-spring of change.  We use the fear derived from the disorganization of change to hide behind  rather than as a catapult to begin to reorganize and regroup.  We often look at the plateau we are leaving behind as a safe haven rather than the ascending road that leads to our next chapter.   Rather than allowing the fear to paralyze our growth we need to use it as a catapult into new beginnings.

In conclusion, let’s break it down…embracing growth is the first step in your continued journey to becoming the best version of yourself.  Rather than allowing fear to astound your growth use it as a propeller when leaving your current plateau.  Remember you are rooted creating a anchor holding you to all that you have become up and to that point and realize have no where to go but up.  So, while the process may seem shaky at times don’t let your uncertainty stunt you or cause you to doubt.  Instead center yourself on your objective and embrace the process that takes you to your next peak.

Love. Laugh. Adjust.

July 5, 2010 Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

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Learn to live the way you think you can’t; stop limiting yourself. The only way to grow is to do a little more than you are right now.

Love.  Laugh.  Adjust.

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

February 22, 2010 Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

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Life is about lessons…each day we learn and we grow.  We are taught to embrace and enjoy the “peaks” but often aren’t reminded the importance of the “valleys”. It is in the valleys that we truly grow.  It’s where we learn our strengths and our stretched outside our comfort zones.  Embrace both. If you aren’t growing you are dying.

Dr. Martha’s Monday Morning Motivational

Love. Laugh. Adjust.