Are You Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places?

I have always heard that all people are created equal and more and more I am finding the validity of that exact statement.  I am not denying that there are factors which separate individuals and give us our own individual set of characteristics, but the one thread that ties us all together is the pursuit of love.  Each and every person I have ever encountered is looking for the same thing, love.  Seeking to find someone to love them and in turn someone to love.  Just as common as it is for an individual to seek love, they search relentlessly for something that is right below their nose or more clearly right below their skin.

Self-love is not a concept that is touched on much in society, and truthfully I am the only person I have heard speak of it in such a way that emphasizes the importance as it pertains to a healthy existence.  In society, we are taught to be selfless early on and I do believe in the importance of serving others and reaping what you sow is a key aspect of a healthy life, a more rewarding life.  But more importantly, I know the importance of loving yourself and I believe that loving yourself more allows one to serve at a higher level because they are serving selflessly and not seeking or needing to be filled up.

More and more I see it in my interactions with coaching, friendships, patient – doctor, and daily conversation, that people have a lack of self love.  A couple times a day I encounter an individual looking for love – love from a significant other, children, friend, even their job and the list goes on.  Rarely to I hear acknowledgment from another person that they are seeking to love themselves more.  This really is tragic considering loving oneself with one hundred percent self- acceptance, self-image, and self-respect is the key to receiving love in abundance in all relationships.

The law of giving and receiving and/or reaping and sowing is perfectly applied in the aspect of love.  The more love you give yourself the more love you will attract into your life, therefore creating an overflow of love to share with others.   All too often people give and give and give to others making sure they “feel the love”—but the one person they forget to love is themselves.  It’s a common misconception that you are to put yourself last and to fill up another with love.  It leaves you with the misconception that another person must create love for you and that another’s love has authority over you.  This pattern leads to a road with no real destination, because another cannot love you more than you love yourself.

Breaking the cycle in your own life will cascade into the lives of those with whom you are in a relationship.  It all starts with a willingness to create abundant love in your life above and beyond any other person, yes, to fall in love with yourself, your innate being before you fall in love with another.  To be able to see yourself as the perfect being you were created and to selflessly love yourself as you would another human being.  Authentic love of yourself will create the possibility for you to attract authentic love into your own life, allowing your love to spill over into the world.  You owe it to yourself and the world to start today and fall madly in love with your innate self—purely, madly, deeply.


With Innate Love,

Dr. Martha Nessler


Do You Really Love Yourself? Set a Love Standard!

What’s Your Love Standard?

I remember the first time someone asked me if “I loved myself”.  Upon hearing it I immediately thought “Of course! What an odd question?”  But, after more thought and some internal reflection, I realized I wasn’t quite sure.  I began to ponder this question and really begin to understand what “loving myself” truly meant.  Today I can say that I love myself 100% and before truly understand the true meaning of “loving myself”, I truly only liked myself.

I want to clarify that loving oneself is not an egotistical I am “god” or I am “better” than view but a pure unadulterated and unconditional love that says I love myself despite and because.  Most people are cognitively aware of how to love another and that love must come with forgiveness, acceptance, and free of judgment; allowing love that is sincere, pure, abundant, and respectful. But, when it comes to loving ourselves we love with scrutiny and love others first before we love others, by doing this we are not only cutting ourselves short but are actually cutting the one’s we love short of fully loving them. It is a common misconception that you can love another more than you love yourself, you must love yourself first and foremost before you can fully love another.

It is imperative to set a “love standard” for yourself.  A standard that sets the tone for how much other’s should love you because it is how much you love yourself. To truly love yourself you must have genuine self-acceptance, limitless self-forgiveness, and a positive self-image.   In order to love yourself with the same sincerity, purity, abundance, and respect you love another you must first do this for yourself.

As creatures of habit and having learned from our mothers, fathers, teachers, and preachers we have and learned and constantly put loving others first and loving ourselves second and sometimes third or fourth.  The irony is that we seek from others the love we should be giving ourselves.  We want those we love to forgive us, to accept us, and to give us the positive feedback on image that we should be giving ourselves.  Repeatedly this behavior leaves us disappointed because we seek from another source when we must receive it from our internal source.  The instant you start loving yourself, you will see that others start giving you more love and it is more of the love you want to receive.

The law of giving and receiving is well known in the arena of loving another; giving others love to receive love.  But in the when it comes to loving ourselves we don’t love ourselves and that is why we never receive in full the love we want.  The minute you begin to make the conscious effort to love yourself you want others to love you and with the same standards that you love others you will truly begin to give and receive love in abundance, agape love; this is a love standard.  A love standard says: “This is how much I love myself, how much I will love you, and how much I want to be love.  Establishing this love standard will allow you to maximize the law of giving and receiving.  What’s your love standard? Are you cutting yourself and those you love short?

Love. Laugh Adjust.

Dr. Martha Nessler                           

Innate Girl Productions

Innate Expressions www.innateexpressions.con

Optimal Chiropractic: A Creating Wellness Center