Posts

Loneliness is rampant…

/in /by

I read an awesome statement today:

“ I would 100% rather spend Sit with you for as long as it takes and listen to the S#!T your going through, than spend 15 minutes listening to your eulogy. Remember that.”

Powerful.

I believe that loneliness is a silent killer and it is rampant.

People are lonely, they are literally dying on the inside and they don’t know who to talk to or what they would say if they did?

And if you have ever experienced it, you know it is a bizarre state to be in, a state where you long to talk to someone, but you aren’t sure how to or who to for that matter?!?

It almost doesn’t make sense, but Ive been there so I know.

And truthfully, there are times (whilst they are much more sparse than before) I still slip into loneliness, but now I know what to do to manage and stay on top of the state.

I know for me, I wasn’t really sure how to talk about it, nor did I know how people would respond. Looking back at that time in my life, I can see the confusion some may feel, because loneliness doesn’t mean you are physically alone but you feel alone.

But, being alone doesn’t drive one to diminish their existence or take their life, but loneliness does.
So, what do we do about it? As I told my business colleagues today, we have to start sharing more, we have to start making “it” ok.

It?!?

Yeah, whatever, “it” is, that thing that you are holding in for fear of embarrassment, fear of ridicule, fear judgement and speak out so that other people know that what they feel is not that “different or weird or crazy” but a part of life.

Why have we become so closed chested about the “hard stuff”, focusing on only sharing the “good stuff”? It’s not even possible to have a 100% happy positive life…have you heard of gravity? Well gravity is the great reminder that what ever goes up also goes down, ie what is great also has equal parts S#!T.

Here is your permission to get over yourself and be ok being YOU, put it out there, go talk to someone, get the help you need and offer your experience up for the good of others.

Speak up, your story is your greatest strength, don’t allow it to enslave you.

💋DRM

I Wasn’t Smiling on the Inside

/in /by

I wasn’t smiling on the inside.

I can remember this time in my life, these years of my life, like they were yesterday.

I was so sad, so broken and so lonely, but no one knew, I hid it so well (atleast I tried) that I often felt like I was hiding it from myself. And even people who picked up on my sadness, had no idea about the depths of it. I kept my secret close to my chest.

Although I have talked about it in small group settings, I have never really been public about how extremely difficult the immigration process was on me mentally and emotionally.

In all of my excitement to move across the world for the man I loved , I didn’t think about the emotional toll it would take on my soul, I didn’t think about only knowing one person in a country that wasn’t mine, I didn’t know how lonely rural New Zealand would be for me, I really had no idea how lonely I would feel.

I never thought about the deep grief I would experience leaving all I knew to be true behind me – my country, my family, my friends, my career, a piece of my soul, a part of me. A grief that would later consume me. I had no idea my greatest struggle to date would be my struggle with loneliness.

Up until this time I had never experienced loneliness, I had never experienced the feeling of having no one, no one to confide in, no one to talk to, no one I felt understood me.

Unless you have experienced loneliness, it’s extremely difficult to understand.

At that time, I had my boyfriend, he loved me and I loved him. He did is best to understand, but I also did my best to keep the darkness that I felt from him. I’m not sure if it was shame or embarrassment or fear of being more misunderstood, but I kept it close to my chest. I didn’t want him to think it was his fault and to question my love for him

I also, had my family and some dear friends, but they were across the world, I didn’t want them to worry, I didn’t want them to think I had made a mistake moving across the world (even though I wondered at times).

Technically having a loving man, distant friends and family I could call, you could say I wasn’t lonely, but loneliness is a feeling, a feeling that becomes your reality.

If you let it loneliness consumes you, it will and I let it.

I think the biggest wake up call for me was hearing some farmers talk about a farmer who had recently taken his life, as they talked about his loneliness, his sadness and that he never talked to anyone after his wife died, I realized they were telling my story and I didn’t want mine to end that way.

I knew I had to take serious action towards my mental and emotional health -I had to dig in really deep at this time in my life, I had to want to live more than I wanted to die.

For me it was opening up to a few friends and my man about how I was feeling, doing regular mindset work, moving my body regularly and being mindful of what I ate, using essential oils for on-hand-emotional support, regular chiropractic check ups to keep my nervous system balanced, working with a coach to shed the S#!T that wasn’t serving, doing whatever else it took to get my mind and emotions in a healthy state and lots of PRAYER and conversations with my Creator.

I also began sharing my story with others in rural New Zealand, especially with farmers, it filled my soul to support others and to know for myself, I wasn’t alone and so they knew the same.

I look back at those days and I am grateful for that time as it has made me who I am today and allowed me to deepen “my why”, but most importantly it’s allowed me to understand the pain that so many suffer silently and to be more mindful of what others may be hiding behind a smile. And I am so grateful I realized that I needed to make massive shifts in my life before it got worse.

On the other side of it all, I can see so clearly, but I’m the depths of it I could t see at all.

I share this post today, for two reasons:

If you are reading this and you resonate with it and you too are hiding your pain, know that you are not alone and that it is OK to ask for help, to start the conversation and if you have no one you know you can talk to message me.

And if you can’t resonate with this, but can understand a bit more about what even the person you love the most may be hiding about the way they feel, be mindful and don’t be afraid to ask simple questions, “How are you really doing?” Or “Do you need anything?” Or “How can I support you?”

💋DRM

A Glimpse into My Life

/0 Comments/in , , , , , /by

“We must validate our life and its worth for others.  It can only be done on earth – others must feel our life worthwhile.”

Jean Condon Murphy, her memoirs, A Glimpse into My Life

Looking back over my grandmother’s memoirs, I can’t help but feel a sense of closeness to a woman I dearly loved who no longer walks this earth, but rather sits in heaven awaiting her families arrival, smiling down in nostalgia with a deep sense of joy for those she loves.

Taking a glimpse into her life as she so eloquently insinuated with her memoir entitled so, a plethora of emotions and a deep sense of connection take me on a journey through her life, seeing the similarities and the vast differences of our separate journeys.

Throughout her memoirs I am able to see “the other side” of events we shared and those of stories, which others have told, laughing at how two people can see the same event so differently. A sense of relief fills my soul, seeing a woman who I deemed as “perfect” eloquently share her imperfections and allow her truths to be unveiled as a token of love and lesson for those whom she loved. There is warmth that comes with knowing “I am not alone”.

In a world plagued by loneliness and discouragement, a deep sense of connection to another human being is almost a necessity.  While physically connecting is not always possible, an emotional connection is not only within arm’s reach but a necessity to propagate a sense of belonging and encouragement.  A glimpse into the life of another human being can offer solace even in the darkest times.

It’s interesting how that misconception that everyone else’s life must be “perfect” blankets the mind of individuals who feel they are bathing in life’s imperfect moments,  no one is sheltered from life’s thunderstorms, no one.

Have we as a society been trained to mask “thunderstorm” moments, down play the harsher moments of life, or simply only share the “sunniest” of moments whilst secretly seeking to have connection during the darkest of times? Stop and ask yourself are you willing to be RAW–real and authentic, offering a glimpse into your life to those seeking solace or are skeletons better left in your closet?

Since, a young child I have relied on a deep sense of knowing, mine comes from God, which shined like a beacon in the darkest of times and provided a sense of solace that the world did not offer. No, I am not immortal to pain, I just knew that their was a meaning behind the pain and was empowered by what was to come.

Society is plagued by depression or discouragement, which literally means to disempower, to remove power. Imagine if there was a global shift from disempowerment to human empowerment, the rise in depression would be greatly halted.

Having experienced my own thunderstorms and darkest hours, I see the need to be more than just light in the darkness but to seek to ignite the inner spark that lies in every single person, being more real, more authentic, and more raw, giving a glimpse of my life in exchange for hope … where there is hope there is life.

It is through my life I hope others find the necessary tools to live an empowered life with hope, understanding that abundance is their birthright.  It is through me I hope they see the love of God begin to live an empowered life. Take a glimpse into my life and join the movement to “be empowered, be RAW, be you…to be innate”.

“Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer…”

Romans 12:12