Loneliness is rampant…

I read an awesome statement today:

“ I would 100% rather spend Sit with you for as long as it takes and listen to the S#!T your going through, than spend 15 minutes listening to your eulogy. Remember that.”

Powerful.

I believe that loneliness is a silent killer and it is rampant.

People are lonely, they are literally dying on the inside and they don’t know who to talk to or what they would say if they did?

And if you have ever experienced it, you know it is a bizarre state to be in, a state where you long to talk to someone, but you aren’t sure how to or who to for that matter?!?

It almost doesn’t make sense, but Ive been there so I know.

And truthfully, there are times (whilst they are much more sparse than before) I still slip into loneliness, but now I know what to do to manage and stay on top of the state.

I know for me, I wasn’t really sure how to talk about it, nor did I know how people would respond. Looking back at that time in my life, I can see the confusion some may feel, because loneliness doesn’t mean you are physically alone but you feel alone.

But, being alone doesn’t drive one to diminish their existence or take their life, but loneliness does.
So, what do we do about it? As I told my business colleagues today, we have to start sharing more, we have to start making “it” ok.

It?!?

Yeah, whatever, “it” is, that thing that you are holding in for fear of embarrassment, fear of ridicule, fear judgement and speak out so that other people know that what they feel is not that “different or weird or crazy” but a part of life.

Why have we become so closed chested about the “hard stuff”, focusing on only sharing the “good stuff”? It’s not even possible to have a 100% happy positive life…have you heard of gravity? Well gravity is the great reminder that what ever goes up also goes down, ie what is great also has equal parts S#!T.

Here is your permission to get over yourself and be ok being YOU, put it out there, go talk to someone, get the help you need and offer your experience up for the good of others.

Speak up, your story is your greatest strength, don’t allow it to enslave you.

💋DRM

Why are you so Triggered?

Next time you catch yourself judging someone for how they show up, take a minute and ask yourself why what they are doing is triggering you?

Are you triggered because it’s something they need to change or it something you need to be more aware about in yourself?

Quite often what triggers us about another person has nothing to do with that person but it’s what we need to address in ourselves!

The truth is who someone else or how they show up, should not affect you and if it does, you need to get clear on why.

Take a moment and get clear…

Do you realize what triggers you about the other person says more about you than them? If so be grateful to them for mirroring your S#!T to you and sort yourself out.

Or

Do you realize that person is not your cup a tea and you move on? The truth is you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea either.

We can learn so much about ourselves when we stop judging others and start learning about ourselves.

💋 DRM

I Wasn’t Smiling on the Inside

I wasn’t smiling on the inside.

I can remember this time in my life, these years of my life, like they were yesterday.

I was so sad, so broken and so lonely, but no one knew, I hid it so well (atleast I tried) that I often felt like I was hiding it from myself. And even people who picked up on my sadness, had no idea about the depths of it. I kept my secret close to my chest.

Although I have talked about it in small group settings, I have never really been public about how extremely difficult the immigration process was on me mentally and emotionally.

In all of my excitement to move across the world for the man I loved , I didn’t think about the emotional toll it would take on my soul, I didn’t think about only knowing one person in a country that wasn’t mine, I didn’t know how lonely rural New Zealand would be for me, I really had no idea how lonely I would feel.

I never thought about the deep grief I would experience leaving all I knew to be true behind me – my country, my family, my friends, my career, a piece of my soul, a part of me. A grief that would later consume me. I had no idea my greatest struggle to date would be my struggle with loneliness.

Up until this time I had never experienced loneliness, I had never experienced the feeling of having no one, no one to confide in, no one to talk to, no one I felt understood me.

Unless you have experienced loneliness, it’s extremely difficult to understand.

At that time, I had my boyfriend, he loved me and I loved him. He did is best to understand, but I also did my best to keep the darkness that I felt from him. I’m not sure if it was shame or embarrassment or fear of being more misunderstood, but I kept it close to my chest. I didn’t want him to think it was his fault and to question my love for him

I also, had my family and some dear friends, but they were across the world, I didn’t want them to worry, I didn’t want them to think I had made a mistake moving across the world (even though I wondered at times).

Technically having a loving man, distant friends and family I could call, you could say I wasn’t lonely, but loneliness is a feeling, a feeling that becomes your reality.

If you let it loneliness consumes you, it will and I let it.

I think the biggest wake up call for me was hearing some farmers talk about a farmer who had recently taken his life, as they talked about his loneliness, his sadness and that he never talked to anyone after his wife died, I realized they were telling my story and I didn’t want mine to end that way.

I knew I had to take serious action towards my mental and emotional health -I had to dig in really deep at this time in my life, I had to want to live more than I wanted to die.

For me it was opening up to a few friends and my man about how I was feeling, doing regular mindset work, moving my body regularly and being mindful of what I ate, using essential oils for on-hand-emotional support, regular chiropractic check ups to keep my nervous system balanced, working with a coach to shed the S#!T that wasn’t serving, doing whatever else it took to get my mind and emotions in a healthy state and lots of PRAYER and conversations with my Creator.

I also began sharing my story with others in rural New Zealand, especially with farmers, it filled my soul to support others and to know for myself, I wasn’t alone and so they knew the same.

I look back at those days and I am grateful for that time as it has made me who I am today and allowed me to deepen “my why”, but most importantly it’s allowed me to understand the pain that so many suffer silently and to be more mindful of what others may be hiding behind a smile. And I am so grateful I realized that I needed to make massive shifts in my life before it got worse.

On the other side of it all, I can see so clearly, but I’m the depths of it I could t see at all.

I share this post today, for two reasons:

If you are reading this and you resonate with it and you too are hiding your pain, know that you are not alone and that it is OK to ask for help, to start the conversation and if you have no one you know you can talk to message me.

And if you can’t resonate with this, but can understand a bit more about what even the person you love the most may be hiding about the way they feel, be mindful and don’t be afraid to ask simple questions, “How are you really doing?” Or “Do you need anything?” Or “How can I support you?”

💋DRM